Re-Learning Life Lesson #3: Whoever Is Loudest Is Right!

Re-learning Life: Lesson #3

What I Learned: “In any argument, whoever states their point loudest, wins!”
(I’m using the exclamation point because I’m shouting this whole entry, so you know it’s true!”

My family argued a lot when I was growing up. I’m not being dramatic. We argued every day, up to 10 times a day. Seriously! Arguments were had over ever minor decision and detail. We found ways to argue about things such as, whether or not pigs had veins. Whether or not dogs could see colors. Whether or not I left the wet towel on the floor or my brother did, or my dad, or aliens, or Jesus F Kennedy himself… well, I made my point. Our arguments, as I have come to realize with growth and maturity, were never won or lost. Though at the time, we thought they were. We settled our arguments the way I “thought” normal folks did. We’d cuss, scream, shout, and belittle each other as fiercely as we could. Because, for some reason, that’s what I believed to be the means of settling all disputes. Basically, when another member of the family would lose their voice and go hoarse from screaming so much. Whoever still could speak, was self-crowned the winner and therefore, in their eyes, must be right!

What I should Have Learned: “Don’t argue facts! Discuss opinions!” Every statement isn’t a debate or challenge. Sometimes people just state facts & opinions. Sometimes people just ask questions. Every discussion doesn’t require a “winner”. Disagreements are very rarely a difference of fact. Usually they are differences in opinion… But how could this be? When my patriarch stubbornly argued me into a shell of laryngitis-stricken, self-coddling, silence. Because he KNEW, no matter what the Encyclopedia Britannica said. That pigs most certainly do NOT have veins. Even though I shouted, fact after fact, at him for over 4 hours straight. He still adamantly forged on with his ignorant argument. I wish I had learned this valuable lesson. “Don’t argue facts! Discuss opinions!” I’ve learned i must listen to others input, then present my argument clearly and calmly. If they don’t see my point. Thank them and then DROP IT!”

Shouting and screaming your opinion makes you look weak, insecure and stupid. It’s like entering a Donkey costume contest. Even if you win, you still look like an ass.

Re-Learning Life Lesson #2: A Temper Tantrum is the Best Way…

Re-learning Life: Lesson #2

What I Learned: “A temper tantrum is the best way to make people see your point of view.”…My Life Experience: The thing I was punished for most as a child, was throwing temper tantrums. It was the most worthless and wasted punishment, because I never learned a thing from those punishments. Wasted, because I could never figure out why I was being punished. Why were my actions punishable? I was mimicking the actions I saw repeatedly from my superiors. When they became angry or frustrated, it was common practice to throw a “Temper Tantrum”.
Apparently, knocking things over, screaming, yelling, stomping the floor, running away, hiding whilst pouting profusely and spewing expletives; is acceptable behavior for adults, but not children? I put a questions mark at the end of that sentence, because unfortunately even at the time of writing this lesson, I’m still not sure if that makes sense to anyone, except my upbringers.
How on earth did I miss the fact that, this is just not the rational behavior of human beings, whom are capable of communicating through WORDS! What a concept!

What I should Have Learned: Sometimes, it’s true, the right words are hard to find. But when I step back and look at this lesson now; I realize, “Even if I could find the perfect words to get my point heard, It still may not change someones point of view” That’s right! It could be the best argument ever made and believe it or not, it may not matter. Understand that, sometimes you just can’t have your way. Sometimes there’s, what we call, a difference of opinion. And sometimes, we just need to take a few moments, breath deeply, and imagine how ridiculous we will look as we toss things across the room, cry and sulk. Put on the big kid pants and just deal with it. Would have been nice to get that class as a child, would have saved me several friendships in my time. But not too late to make a change. Now why is it at this stage in my life, I’ve come to figure this out on my own, yet my early life teachers still haven’t gotten the memo?

Re-Learning Life Lesson #1: You Can Control People You Love…

Re-learning Life: Lesson #1

What I Learned: “You can control the people you love, by holding money or possessions over their head”…My Life Experience: I’m fairly certain that, I was raised to believe those who provide for you by sheltering, clothing, and feeding you; are also completely in control of every thought and action you take throughout the rest of your life. Like somehow they bought your soul… and because you wouldn’t have anything, if they took everything they’ve ever given you away. You’re their indentured servant for life. I understand having respect for your caretakers from childhood… I get the magnitude of everything they’ve done for me. But, letting them control me throughout adulthood by attempting to use money and possessions is patronizing. They act as though I must now be a puppet of their will, or I am insubordinate and ungrateful… sorry folks, not me. Take your house and everything else (Yes, a free and clear home; I told you what they did for me was of great magnitude). I’ll survive, I’m sure of that. I’ll just grow more bitter towards you, as you grow closer to a lonely unsatisfying end. It’s sad that you wouldn’t want to find a way for us to become peers in life, now that I’ve become a man, instead of treating me like a child forever. I’ll take my chances with what you’ve taught me, and if I fail, I’ll take responsibility. I will know it’s because I failed. Not because you taught me the wrong values and lessons. It’s amazing when you start looking back at your life, and factor in the experiences you’ve heard and witnessed from other peoples lives. That’s when you realize, my god… My childhood wasn’t normal, it’s not the way it happens for everyone, “I might be seriously messed up in the head”. That’s why I’m writing myself a… text book. I’ve begun “re-teaching” myself, all the lessons of life. Hopefully I get what I was suppose to learn, right this time.

Wish me Luck!

What I should Have Learned: You can’t control the people you love by holding money or possessions over their head to make them do or be whatever you want. Eventually, they will rebel and you’ll lose them forever. Instead, try to communicate clearly what you want in a respectful way. That will allow them to make a choice about what you’ve asked. It turns out that, people who care about you, will make the choice to do or be what you ask, when given the opportunity to choose it… hunh, weird…

What Am I Doing?

About WhatJohnsDoing

I definitely see the world through a “prism”. Everything is completely distorted by my thoughts, emotions, past experiences and ideas. I have an “outside-the-box” approach to everything life entails.

I am a “Dream Chaser”, as the lead vocalist in Pass of Aggression. A Rap Rock band, with angst, anger & aggression. As well as a solo artist, as “Khamelijon”. Rap with fun, lighthearted, honest lyricism with pop harmonies & melodies.

The day job which supports my pursuit of giant aspirations, is as an Internet Sales Manager for a RV Dealership, here in my hometown of Grand Rapids, Michigan.

I am an eternal optimist, I love grandeur and perfect timing. When you can connect the two it makes real-life, feel like a movie.

I’m soon to be married to, whom just may be, the absolute perfect fit to me. We’ve been through the tragedy of the expectancy and then loss of twin baby girls, Phoebe Hannah & Isabella Grace. I will forever love and miss them. Together we’ll continue to grow our family with them watching over us.

I am just a person. Albeit a very creative one. I can’t figure out exactly why I am here living and breathing. I just know I’m meant to impact the world deeply on a large scale… Somehow! You may get to see how that dream becomes a reality… Or watch me fail miserably… 😛